Tag: England

Battered and bruised, Bairstow and England finally discover their fight

If there was ever going to be an English counterpunch, it was going to look like this.

Two familiar Australian foils, all fire and fury from hair to bat, deciding at last they'd had enough.

On Friday afternoon at the SCG, Ben Stokes and Jonny Bairstow brought life back to a Test match that threatened to follow its predecessors' path into farce.

Both batted through injury, Stokes with a strain in his side and Bairstow with a thumb blown to smithereens by Pat Cummins, coming to the crease amid yet another English top order surrender.

It all looked a little Melbourney in the morning session, as wickets fell as freely as Sydney's habitual morning shower.

There was Scott Boland again, sending statisticians scurrying to their scorecards as his figures grew more and more ridiculous. Two wickets for no runs in his first spell meant his last eight overs in Test cricket had delivered him 8-7 — and no, that's not using the English mode of scoring.

Haseeb Hameed and Jack Crawley were bowled with strokes more befitting second-grade tailenders than Test openers, bat keeping a safe social distance from pad.

Haseeb Hameed should have been caught on 2, but did not last much longer.(Getty: Mark Kolbe)

Joe Root played a lazy, burnt-out stroke befitting a man who needs a long hibernation after his historic 2021.

And Dawid Malan was caught down the leg side on the stroke of lunch, strolling carelessly into Australia's trap with minimal resistance.

Throughout that period and beyond, Australia bowled 70 balls without England scoring a run. It was part suffocating pressure, part weary indifference as the batting allowed itself to be overwhelmed by the bowling.

Early in the Bairstow-Stokes partnership, the latter was dropped by Cummins off his own bowling. And then, something clicked.

At first, it was just the noise of a Cameron Green delivery striking Stokes's off stump, somehow without dislodging the off bail.

But that scare, perhaps combined with the injuries, the morning woes and the blow after ceaseless blow suffered on this god-forsaken tour, woke England up.

Ben Stokes was clearly not healthy, but still managed his best innings of the series.(AP: Rick Rycroft)

And so Stokes and Bairstow did what they do as well as any cricketers in the world. They had a go.

Stokes stood tall and bashed the fast bowlers through the line. Bairstow dropped to a knee and belted Nathan Lyon over square leg. They cut the wide ones and drove the full ones. They fought like they had one more punch left to throw, so they may as well make it a good one.

Suddenly, the cricket was riveting again. If there's one thing you can say about Ben Stokes the cricketer — and in truth, there are many — it's that you dare not look away when he has centre stage.

It couldn't last for Stokes, caught LBW by a Lyon slider, but Bairstow wouldn't be denied.

Bairstow has proven even more of an Ashes enigma than Stokes. There have been times when he's seemed as vulnerable as the rest of them, but every series he seems to have at least one of these knocks in him.

Like Usman Khawaja for Australia, Jonny Bairstow was not considered in England's best XI to start the series.(Getty: Jason McCawley/Cricket Australia)

That he completed this century, his seventh in Test cricket, with such a badly injured thumb makes it particularly special. Just as Graeme Smith did on this ground 14 years ago, Bairstow won admirers with his courage.

But Bairstow's greatest victory was to force Australia to question their plans, maybe for the first time all series.

When he was joined by Mark Wood and his flashing blade, the Aussies looked rattled.

Captain Cummins, sent for three sixes by a hooking Wood, suddenly looked more Dick Whitman than Don Draper.

And yet, at the end of one of England's best days of the tour, Australia's position in the Test remains strong.

The lead is still 158 and England's tail cannot be expected to bat long into day four. In theory, Australia could quite swiftly blow their advantage out towards something insurmountable.

Once again, neither England opener could put significant runs on the board.(AP: Rick Rycroft)

But there is rain on the horizon, potentially quite a lot of it on Saturday. If time is lost, Australia's hand will be forced. If Australia's hand is forced, their third innings total could be compromised or they could be forced into a premature declaration.

There is a window here. A tiny crack of light for England to dig towards through the last two days of this Test.

And should they find their way to that impossible escape, they'll have the scrappy defiance of Bairstow and Stokes to thank.

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

Australia’s Ashes dominance is a product of red-ball priorities that England lacks

Before play had even commenced on day one of the Boxing Day Test, former England captain Michael Vaughan suggested that one major failing of Joe Root's side was that its players were too nice.

In reality, the tourists could open with Ed Sheeran and Tom Hanks if they batted like Vaughan in his pomp.

Instead, they had Haseeb Hameed and Zak Crawley, who continue to bat very much like themselves, so they were two-for-nothing in no time, although "Hameed" and "half century" can at least now be used in the same sentence — he departed for England's 50th duck of 2021.

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Inserted by Pat Cummins, England was bowled out for 185, Australia ended the day 1-61, and that fight for hosting rights to the fifth Test seems even more daft by the day. On the Hobart sporting calendar, the arrival of some millionaires' yachts is going to be more exciting than this English team.

On the batting side of things, England's two highest scorers at least gave Vaughan's theory a split decision: Root can certainly be imagined helping the elderly cross the road (and gifted his wicket again, wasting a bright start), but Johnny Bairstow could play the angry Vicar who finally loses it in the last 10 minutes of a Midsomer Murder.

Joe Root top-scored for England but was dismissed immediately after reaching 50.(Getty: Robert Cianflone)

The rest was as familiar as leftover Christmas turkey. Having played gradually worse with every start, Hameed found a new way to get out by playing Pat Cummins with his bat two feet in front of his pads. Ben Stokes, with everything resting on his shoulders after Root's departure, couldn't quite pull through.

Jos Buttler, whose determined hand in the second innings at Adelaide had suggested greater range, returned to his brainless worst. His wild slog to cow corner minutes before tea meant England had lost 3-67 for the session to go with 3-61 in the first. It was an impossible task from there.

Boland becomes an instant MCG hero

The three biggest roars of the day were for 32-year-old Australian debutant Scott Boland. The second and third came when he trapped Mark Wood in front for his first Test wicket and prevailed from a questionable DRS review.

The first was during Aunty Joy Murphy's Welcome to Country. The Melbourne crowd came alive at the mention of "our own" fast bowler — Victorians are as parochial as any cricket crowd on earth — which referred to Boland's Gulidjan ancestry.

It made him only Australia's fourth Indigenous Test cricketer, and the second from Frankston, although Parkdale, 20 kilometres away in Melbourne's south-east, will also stake a claim.

Knowing that Boland is an exemplar of the tough-as-nails Victorian squads who've set the standard in the Sheffield Shield competition of the last decade, captain Cummins said Australia was lucky to have him — a feeling not engendered by many of England's bowling options this summer.

Why is this? After all, England's quicks are better-credentialed than their batters. Yet, more and more, it seems, the lack of conditioning from sustained spells in the first-class arena has hurt the tourists' bowlers. Put simply, they don't play enough red-ball cricket outside of Tests and it shows.

England's red-ball problem Jimmy Anderson (left) takes the wicket of David Warner just before stumps on day 1.

Consider this: in the past five first-class seasons, Australian backup Boland has played 37 first-class games, taking 149 wickets at 23.42, just as Queenslander Michael Neser, who won his cap in Adelaide, has played in 49 four-day games in the same period.

Among England's backups to Stuart Broad and Jimmy Anderson, the numbers tell a very different story. Chris Woakes, dropped for this game, has played just six County Championship games in five years, his replacement Mark Wood only seven in the same time.

All-format superstar Stokes — who is expected to bowl 15 overs a day in this team — has played only three County Championship games in the last half-decade. At Adelaide, there was a replacement quick who'd played five County Championship games in 2021 alone. The problem for England was that it was Neser.

You could mount an argument that it affects England's batting depth too. Bairstow and Buttler — limited-overs stars like Stokes — have both played just five County Championship games in as many years, and none since 2018. They have to play themselves into red-ball form in the Tests themselves.

As in theirs, Root's and Stokes's case, Australia also has three-format aces who are rarely available for red-ball domestic cricket: Cummins, David Warner and Steve Smith play year-round. But the rest of the Test line-up benefits immensely from regular first-class cricket.

In Shield cricket of the last five seasons, Cameron Green has turned out 25 times, Alex Carey 22, Marnus Labuschagne 38 (plus 15 County Championship games), Travis Head 33 (plus 12 in England), Marcus Harris 37 (plus eight for Leicestershire).

Debutant Scott Boland (centre) took only one wicket but had a memorable opening day.(AAP:  Joel Carrett)

Little wonder that Ollie Robinson has been the only Englishman to drastically improve his reputation on this tour and offer a spark. Surprise surprise, he's played 27 County Championship games in the last three seasons.

Game-hardened Boland ended his first day of Test cricket with 1 for 48 from his 13 overs, a little short on luck but always fulfilling his role of hammering it in hard and cutting the ball into the hips of right-handers, cramping them for room.

His experience came to the fore in subtler ways, too. Just after lunch, when England was still in the game, Stokes kept walking down the track at the debutant in an attempt to disrupt his length. It was a transparent act of intimidation by an A-type performer.

But on the MCG, where Boland is more comfortable than Homer Simpson on his sofa, it just didn't work.

Boland responded by hurling it down even harder, smashing the ball into the handle of the bat as Stokes yanked his hand away. With a rueful grin, Shield batsmen all over the country could almost feel the jarring sensation in their fingers.

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

With Hazlewood set to miss, Root says England must rise to Boxing Day challenge

With England's Ashes hopes hanging by a thread, Joe Root has called on his entire team to lift for Boxing Day as the tourists fight to keep the series alive.

Key points:

  • Joe Root says his side must do the "basic things" well to work their way back into the series
  • Australia's bowling attack will be bolstered by the return of Pat Cummins and potentially Mitch Starc
  • Cameron Green says Australia can't afford to let the "world-class" English team back into the series

With Australia holding a 2-0 series lead heading into the MCG clash, Root was tight-lipped on any potential changes to the England XI but said the side was focused on improving after they were handed heavy defeats in Brisbane and Adelaide.

"We have to win this game to make sure this Ashes series stays alive. We'll pick the team that can win this game and, if it has a couple of changes, so be it," Root said.

"It's not about pointing fingers — collectively, we have to be better at all aspects of the game.

"I think we all know what's required, we know what we need to do.

"It's asking all our batters, whoever does play, to do basic things very well. Give yourself the opportunity to go and make big runs, build those big partnerships.

"We bang on about that all the time but it's the fundamentals of batting."

Root added that a stronger understanding of the conditions will put England in good stead to turn things around.

"It's a mental thing, not through a lack of confidence or anything like that but, understanding the conditions and sniffing out danger, I think we can be a bit smarter about that. We addressed that at the end of the game," Root said.

"Any senior batter in any team, their responsibility is to go and try make big hundreds. Regardless of how things have gone on this tour, that wouldn't change.

"As a leader, you expect yourself to set that example."

Hazlewood set to miss second straight Ashes test

Meanwhile, Australia's bowling attack will be bolstered by the return of Pat Cummins, while Mitchell Starc is also expected to be passed fit to play.

However, Josh Hazlewood appears almost certain to miss a second straight Ashes Test with Australia's opening bowler on ice in Melbourne.

Australia are hopeful of having Hazlewood return for the New Years' Test at the SCG.(AP: Asanka Brendon Ratnayake)

Just two days out from the Boxing Day Test start, Hazlewood did not bowl in the MCG nets on Friday and spent time talking to physios.

Instead, Jhye Richardson joined Starc and Cummins in the same net in the team's last full training session before play.

Australia are however hopeful of having Hazlewood return for the New Years' Test at the SCG, starting January 5.

"I haven't spoke to the guys for this game but definitely lock him in for Sydney," allrounder Cameron Green said at Friday's press conference in Melbourne.

Green meanwhile has no concerns over his own fitness or ability to bowl long spells.

Stand-in skipper Steve Smith admitted after the win in Adelaide that he had been advised to try and not bowl Green on day five to manage his workload.

Justin Langer has since moved to clarify there are no extra concerns around the 22-year-old, who has previously had back issues.

Green was used sparingly in the bowling attack in Adelaide but said he was fully capable of playing a larger role in the attack on Boxing Day.

"We don't want to let a world-class team like England back into the series, if we can keep on top, that's what we're looking for," Green said.

"I didn't have any conversations with Smudge, but I was fine and ready to go.

"We were in a really good position, Nathan Lyon was bowling beautifully from one end and we had three, world-class pace bowlers from the other.

"It'll keep me a bit more fresh for this game. I'll just be required when I'm required."

Cameron Green says the hosts need to keep the pressure on to retain the Ashes for a third consecutive series.(AAP: Darren England)

Green does shape as a weapon for Australia at the MCG.

He has removed Joe Root twice this series, edging him off in both Brisbane and Adelaide to balls well outside the off stump.

England have stressed the importance of playing with more patience in the third Test, with too many batsman edging balls they could have left.

But Root's stroke play outside off has long been one of his biggest weapons, particularly at home on wickets that lack the bounce of Australia's.

Root is also well aware of the issue, batting with a fourth stump behind him in the nets this week to have better awareness of his own positioning.

"I played two poor shots to him," Root said.

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"He brings an extra bit of bounce and the danger you can get sucked into in Australia is it doesn't do as much as it does in England.

"So you feel like you can play at balls more frequently.

"That's what's most frustrating, making that mistake twice in two games."

But Green himself is not ready to claim he has it over the England captain just yet, despite teammates regularly reminding him of his record.

"I just have very simple plans to him. Just keep it tight from one end and let the other guys do their job," Green said.

"I've just got lucky a couple of times."


Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

England down and out in Adelaide as a dreary and one-sided Ashes battle slips away

It was a forlorn hope, perhaps, but after a second year of pandemic-era monotony — pat your pocket for a mask; yep, there's the QR code; ooh, the text says we've got another parcel coming soon — a few of us had hoped the Ashes might occasionally offer something exciting and unexpected.

Maybe exciting wasn't the word for it, but on day three in Adelaide, it was certainly novel that England went the entire first session without losing a wicket. Joe Root and Dawid Malan, their country's first and last batting defence in this series, put on 123 runs in 32 overs.

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And it was not just that England played well, it was that Australia didn't. Shorn of the best fast bowling combination in cricket, Australia was learning that the excellence of Jhye Richardson and Michael Neser is not quite the same as the outright brilliance of generational quicks.

Every second over, it seemed, there was a boundary-ball. Singles were easily accumulated. The pink ball softened. And wasn't this pitch meant to take spin?

What happened after lunch — combined with the British media's depressed chuntering of the last 24 hours, which suggested the tourists' performances this summer are actually the result of years of meticulous planning — showed that comedy remains England's great cultural export.

Cameron Green, who Australia picks mainly to bat, dismissed world-beater Root for the second time in three innings. From a relaxed 2-150, England fell apart like Nigella Lawson's aromatic lamb shank stew.

Cameron Green (second left) took the crucial wicket of England captain Joe Root in the second session.(AP Photo: James Elsby)

The paltry score of 236 was one thing, England's rolling out of the greatest hits another. Like so often, one brought two (and then many more) when Malan departed for 80. Faced with a crisis, Jos Buttler brought his usual gung-ho-no-matter-the-stakes batting. To go with his sketchy keeping, it's made him as useful as a chocolate teapot in this game.

Again, Ollie Pope did everything in fast-forward and was hopelessly undone by spin, looking more and more like a bunny for Nathan Lyon. Again, England was revealed as a team with three No.11's. And again, as he'd done with the ball, Ben Stokes was left to restore some sense of national pride, although he was so stiff and sore he could barely play shots.

The respective home-team advantages being what they are, we have come to expect a competitive imbalance in the Ashes. But this one is really testing the theory that Australians don't care for even contests when England is down and out. It's over.

Green swings momentum Australia's way

A hallmark of the top Test sides is not putting in two bad sessions on the trot, a metric by which Australia fared well. In the second session, 4-57 from 30 overs was a faultless recovery from the morning and the momentum kept rolling.

Already a dominant presence in this game with the bat, Steve Smith pulled off a tactical masterstroke after Root's departure. Common sense said keep Green on — he was troubling the new man Stokes, too. But to murmurings all over the country, Smith replaced him with Starc. Immediately Starc removed Malan.

For all the pre-game excitement about Neser and Richardson, the biggest ticks were for Starc, Lyon and Green, who accounted for nine of the wickets. After forcing a collapse of 8-74 in the second innings of the first Test, Australia rammed home its advantage with 8-86 here.

Queenslander Michael Neser made the most of his unexpected selection in Australia's impressive bowling performance.(AAP: Dave Hunt)

Green proved the great upside to being an all-rounder, banishing thoughts of his batting struggles with two subtly aggressive spells of genuinely fast bowling. You wouldn't call it mongrel, but Green has revealed that he has a few more gears than his first summer of Test bowling suggested. He is a momentum-changer.

Lyon turned the ball square, taking 3-58 from 28 probing overs that kept the quicks fresh. "Can SOMEONE please smack Lyon?!?!! FFS!" Kevin Pietersen had tweeted at one point. "Off spinner with zero variations and bowling on world crickets flattest road!!!!" (Sorry, but if we began to fix the grammar and punctuation, where would it end?)

If remotely true, of course, Pietersen's diss could be read as a more scathing review of England's performance. And are variations even needed against this lot? Chris Woakes can handle himself with the bat. Lyon made him look like a synthetic-wicket slogger.

Mitchell Starc was the pick of Australia's bowlers with 4-37 but couldn't stop a six from Ben Stokes.

The bigger boon for Australia was Starc, the recipient of more than a few scathing reviews over the years. He rose impressively to the challenge provided by the contenders for his spot, taking four wickets with fast spells full of attitude. Neser was tidy, Richardson uncharacteristically loose, if a little unlucky.

There is nothing unlucky about England's bleak prospects. At the end of the day, Smith could have enforced the follow-on and made things really ugly. Instead he batted again, which opens up the possibility of a fifth day of this very dreary contest. Thanks for that, skip.

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

England needs 300 more runs to put pressure back on Australia, Dawid Malan says

England needs another 250 to 300 runs to have any chance of upsetting Australia in the first Test at the Gabba, batter Dawid Malan says.

England's hard-fought revival on the third day was led by Malan and skipper Joe Root, whose 159-run partnership saw the visitors recover from 2-61 to reach 2-220 at the close, 58 runs behind Australia's first innings score.

Malan said it was "vitally important" to put up a good performance after a calamitous first day in which England was bowled out for just 147, having won the toss.

"The first innings was obviously a disappointment," Malan said.

"We hold our hands up that we weren't good enough in that innings … we're better than being bowled out for 140.

"So for us to come in after a day-and-a-half of hard fielding and to do what we did here today was fantastic. 

"But that's only half the job done. We need another 250, 300 runs tomorrow to put ourselves in a good position."

Dawid Malan and Joe Root combined for 159 crucial runs on day three.(AAP: Dave Hunt)

After losing Rory Burns and Haseeb Hameed relatively cheaply in their bid to avoid a catastrophic innings defeat, ticketholders would have been tentatively making plans for a free weekend.

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However, Malan and Root's superb partnership helped give England fans hope of a miraculous recovery.

"We spoke this morning about making sure we go out and express ourselves," Malan said. 

"The last thing we want to do is be sitting ducks and go out and not score.

"After what we did in the first innings, we almost needed to park that and put it aside. This needed to be a fresh innings.

"I know it's really, probably, poor of me to say that in a Test match we started so badly that we just need to park it, but the only way forward in this Test was to actually forget what happened in that first innings."

First hour 'really important' tomorrow morning For the first time in the series, Australia was left looking for answers, and Josh Hazlewood was surprisingly not one of them.(Getty Images: Albert Perez – CA)

Despite being brought back down to earth after two exceptional days of play, Australian batter Marnus Labuschagne said the mood in the Australian dressing room was "very calm".

"That's Test cricket. You never expect any Test nation, especially when you're playing England in the Ashes, to come in and roll over," he said.

"Test cricket is a grind, it's meant to be hard, otherwise it wouldn't mean so much to both countries.

"For us, it's just a day at the office and we make sure we come back tomorrow and review our plans and how we bowled today and come up with some ideas and get those last eight wickets."

Labuschagne said he was unaware of any issue that would have kept Josh Hazlewood — surprisingly unused after tea — from bowling, other than to keep him fresh.

He said the second new ball, due in 10 overs' time, would be hugely important tomorrow morning.

"Playing a lot of cricket here at the Gabba, the new ball is crucial. 

"There can be long partnerships and then all of a sudden you can lose bang, bang, bang, quick wickets.

"If we can put that new ball in the right areas and get some wickets with the new ball, it can really turn quickly.

"The key for us is just to keep building pressure."

Malan said how England resumed tomorrow would be vital, but it was important not to think too far ahead.

England need another big partnership in order to have any chance, Dawid Malan said.(AAP: Dave Hunt)

"As soon as we think too far ahead, you open a door for them, and they are so brilliant at closing that door for us," he said.

"So I think the first hour is really important for us tomorrow, and then we can start thinking about how well we can play.

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"But we need one more good, hundred-run partnership to put a good score on the board, and then, who knows what can happen."

England skipper Root will be hoping to convert his score into yet another hundred to add to the six he's already scored in a stellar 2021 season — and if he continues where he left off on Friday, odds are he'll get there.

His unbeaten 86 on Friday featured a full repertoire of shots that saw the 30-year-old Yorkshireman score to all corners of the ground.

Joe Root played yet another invaluable innings for England.(Getty: Bradley Kanaris)

After a nine-ball duck in the first innings, this was a return to the form that has seen him 67 over the past year, as well as being enough to take him past 1,500 Test runs for the calendar year, the first Englishman to do so.

Labuschagne said Root was a "beautiful player of spin bowling and pace bowling" but he was not there to sit back and watch. 

"It's not my job now to admire Joe Root's innings, it's my job to find holes in his game and try and help the team out wherever I can for us to get a wicket somewhere and get him out.

"The Ashes is on the line here and we've got to make sure we keep putting pressure on him."

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

England coach Eddie Jones shines in a week of Master Coach trickery, but the Wallabies have too many issues to take note

If there is a game that Wallabies fans want to win more than any other on this Spring Tour, it would be England at Twickenham this Sunday morning, Australian time. You can probably include the Wallabies themselves in this, too.

Australia v England in anything — cricket, rugby, marbles — provokes emotion and rivalry in equal parts.

Add into the mix the Old Enemy being coached by an Australian who himself was sacked as Wallabies coach back in the day, and has never really forgiven his native country for it, and this clash has all the spicy ingredients you could hope for.

Eddie Jones has been front-and-centre yet again this week because this is precisely the environment in which he relishes. The one in which he thrives. Every headline he can take himself is one fewer headline focusing on his team.

It's Master Coaching 101. Wayne Bennett does it, Kevin Sheedy made an art form of it, and Ange Postecoglou is winning over the Celtic diehards in Glasgow the same way right now.

So just as debate in English rugby circles was starting to focus on whether 22-year-old wunderkind Marcus Smith should supplant captain Owen Farrell at fly-half, Eddie did what Eddie does: he threw up a distraction.

Eddie Jones the coach became Eddie Jones the performer this week, manipulating the media to suit his own aims.(AP: Eugene Hoshiko)

And ironically, what he threw up as a distraction was a point about distraction itself.

Smith played very well off the bench in England's 69-3 demolition of Tonga at Twickenham last weekend, and his promotion to the number 10 jersey for the Australia Test was an obvious post-match question. But Jones was having none of it.

"The big thing for young players is distractions," Jones said in response.

"Distractions can be the exposure they get in the media, the praise and criticism they get, groups of agents who see this guy as the next big thing.

"There's a reason why the girl who won the US Open [Emma Raducanu] hasn't done so well afterwards. What have you seen her on? The front page of Vogue, the front page of Harper's Bazaar, whatever it is, wearing Christian Dior clothes.

"[Smith] is grounded, but they all start off grounded. No-one starts with their feet off the ground, or they don't get in the team, or they don't win a US Open.

"But there's this flood of distractions that comes in that makes you ungrounded."

The comments were quickly and roundly criticised as uninformed and irresponsible, even as "sexist nonsense" that wouldn't be made about a young male star.

England prodigy Marcus Smith has been flying high, but coach Eddie Jones wants him to keep his feet on the ground.(Photo by Visionhaus/Getty Images.)

But it worked. All the talk about Smith starting at fly-half was delayed until Friday's team naming, when lo and behold, the young prodigy was named in the England number 10 jersey.

And Jones was unrepentant, explaining he didn't have "any misgivings" about what he said, and that he had written to Raducanu to clarify his point.

"The whole point was how difficult it is for young players to cope with distractions," Jones told BBC Sport.

"So the point I made was not wrong. I can't control if it's taken out of context. There was no criticism of Emma. I have sent her a letter just to reinforce that and hopefully, we'll see her at Twickenham shortly.

"It is difficult for those young players, really difficult, and we have to be aware of that," he added.

England will be without veteran prop Joe Marler after his positive COVID-19 confirmation earlier in the week, while blockbusting centre Manu Tuilagi is on the wing despite playing there just once in 44 Tests for England.

And Farrell hasn't played inside-centre for England since their Six Nations loss to Ireland back in March. He missed the Tonga game after what turned out to be a false-positive test result for the virus.

And despite the Wallabies' disappointing showing in the loss to Scotland last weekend, Jones is now going to great lengths to explain the challenge of facing Australia — against whom the head-to-head stands at 25 wins apiece and one draw dating back to 1909.

"It is probably hard for the English to understand how important this is for Australia. It doesn't matter whether it is Olympics, Test cricket, rugby league; this is the game that defines a season," he said.


"We Australians have a bit of an inferiority complex against the English, and they will want to take us."

There's more Master Coachery right there: claiming both Australian and English allegiance in the same sentence.

The Wallabies, for their part, haven't been drawn into the Eddie Jones Show this week, because frankly, they've got bigger issues to deal with – a sudden and chronic shortage of tight-head props being the major one.

Taniela Tupou played just six minutes off the bench at Murrayfield last weekend before being forced off after a head clash, and while Allan Ala'alatoa passed a head injury assessment during the game, neither player could progress through the Return to Play Protocols early this week and were quickly ruled out. James Slipper will replicate an injury-forced move earlier this year at the Brumbies, switching to the tight-head side of the scrum.

It will also result in a shock Test debut from the bench for former Western Force front-rower Ollie Hoskins, who has been playing in England with London Irish since 2016 and was only called into the camp when they arrived in London this week.

"It's pretty hard to put into words right now. If you'd told me this was going to happen on Saturday night, after playing for London Irish, I would have told you were kidding," he said in an emotional Wallabies social video immediately after the team was named.

And what a memory it would be if his shock Test debut results in a Wallabies win under extreme adversity.

Wallabies team to face England at Twickenham:

(15-1) Kurtley Beale, Andrew Kellaway, Len Ikitau, Hunter Paisami, Tom Wright, James O’Connor, Nic White, Rob Valetini, Michael Hooper (captain), Rob Leota, Izack Rodda, Rory Arnold, James Slipper, Folau Fainga’a, Angus Bell. Replacements: Tolu Latu, Tom Robertson, Ollie Hoskins, Will Skelton, Pete Samu, Tate McDermott, Noah Lolesio, Izaia Perese

England side:

(15-1) Freddie Steward, Manu Tuilagi, Henry Slade, Owen Farrell (captain), Jonny May, Marcus Smith, Ben Youngs, Ellis Genge, Jamie George, Kyle Sinckler, Maro Itoje, Jonny Hill, Courtney Lawes, Sam Underhill, Tom Curry. Replacements: Jamie Blamire, Bevan Rodd, Will Stuart, Charlie Ewels, Alex Dombrandt, Sam Simmonds, Raffi Quirke, Max Malins

Wallabies' Spring Tour schedule (AEDT):

v England in London, 4:30am Sunday November 14

v Wales in Cardiff, 4:30am Sunday November 20

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

Maximo Park – Middlesbrough Man Lyrics

It's springtime, but I still miss the streets at dawn
And in the morning, walking your bridges home
As I sit in stare, all of England saw us
I'll tell you something, I wish I was in Middlesbrough

I don't mind being by myself
Don't wanna be anywhere else
Just wanna be in Middlesbrough
I wish I was in Middlesbrough

You can leave me on the shelf
I'm a Middlesbrough man myself
I will always give you help

It's summertime, but I still miss your sky so clear
Sitting and staring on a beach somewhere
I'll tell you something, I wish I was in Middlesbrough

Don't give a tuss about private wealth

And history just repeats itself
Keep me away from the festival
And just give me the one quarter jibb

They say project yourself, I'm a Middlesbrough man myself

It's wintertime, and I still see the cobblestones
Clacking over your streets at dawn
I was really poor, since I left Middlesbrough
I'm okay just by myself
Cause our miserable king won't protect us from ourselves
I wish I was in Middlesbrough, I wish I was in Middlesbrough

I was always in good health, I'm a Middlesbrough man myself
I will always give you hell, I'm a Middlesbrough man myself
I'm a Middlesbrough man myself

Peter, Paul & Mary – The Cuckoo Lyrics

Oh, the cuckoo, she’s a pretty bird
She sings as she flies
She never gets lonesome
Till the first day of July

I’ve gambled in England
And I’ve gambled down in Spain
I gambled with five aces
Now I’ve gambled my last game

Oh, it’s gamblin’ that’s brought me prison
And it’s gamblin’ that’s brought me pain

I’ll never see the cuckoo
Or hear her song again

Jack o’ diamonds, jack o’ diamonds
I know you of old
You robbed my poor pockets
Of silver and of gold

Oh, the cuckoo, she is a pretty bird
She sings as she flies
She never gets lonesome
Till the first day of July

Liz Phair – Easy Target Lyrics

[Verse 1]
The last time we made love
You said my name to make me come
But it was just a speaking offer
It means nothing without your love
Means nothing without your love
Means nothing

[Verse 2]
I can wake up any day
And see a million things that I could say
But then you’re just an easy target
It means nothing without your love
Means nothing without your love
Means nothing
And nothing means nothing

[Verse 3]
Each time the world turns ’round
It doesn’t make a f*cking sound
It doesn’t mean that we don’t feel it
It means nothing without your love
Means nothing without your love
Means nothing
And nothing means nothing

So if you want to know if I love you so
If you want to know if I love you so
If you want to know if I love you so
It’s in my kiss, that’s where it is
It’s in my kiss, that’s where it is
Do you love me ’cause I am in the mood?

Do you love me for a funky groove?
Do you love me ’cause I can mash potato?
Do you love me ’cause I’m an alligator?
Singing oooh, whoa, whoa
Oooh, whoa, whoa
Oooh, whoa, whoa
Oooh, whoa, whoa
Do you love me ’cause I can walk on water?
Do you love me ’cause I’m the President’s daughter?
Do you love me ’cause I am queen of England?
Do you love me just ’cause I’m sitting here singing?
Oooh, whoa, whoa
Oooh, whoa, whoa
Oooh, whoa, whoa
Oooh, whoa, whoa
So if you want to know if I love you so
If you want to know if I love you so
If you want to know if I love you so
It’s in my kiss, that’s where it is
It’s in my kiss, that’s where it is

[Verse 3]
So the next time we make love
Drop the words, just do the stuff
Speak softly and use that big stick
It means nothing without your love
Means nothing without your love
Means nothing
And nothing means nothing to me

Big Big Train – Head Hit The Pillow Lyrics

The early morning sun alights upon
The old school hall
Battered boxes, wooden walls from fifty years ago
How it seems like England’s dreaming
And down along the shore the weathered chairs
And bingo halls
The sound in cars through open windows
Summer has returned
But late at night the demon’s call

Here they come from the ends of the Earth

Faces from a far sky dance before his crazed eyes
God nothing is left for giving
Must be self-created. Must be all inside the mind

Outside in the wan daylight
The senseless torn and turning
Susan walked and spoke the words
He turned away was running
“Late last night the demons called.”


Cricket underdog Thailand lights up T20 World Cup with upbeat attitude

Homebush 2140

Coming from the Land of Smiles, the Thailand women’s cricket team has been the feel-good story of the T20 World Cup hosted by Australia.

Key points:

  • Thailand was the first team from South-East Asia to qualify for a Women’s T20 World Cup
  • The Thai players have taken the tournament by storm with their infectious and positive attitude
  • Thailand lost three of its pool matches but gave itself a chance of victory against Pakistan before the match was abandoned

Thailand’s rapid rise — in a country where cricket is largely unknown — to make its T20 World Cup debut has been incredible to watch.

The nation has only 11 contracted cricketers, all of whom are women, and it became the first team from South-East Asia to quality for the Women’s T20 World Cup.

Thailand did not win a match at the tournament — although it did set Pakistan a competitive target of 151 in this afternoon’s abandoned pool match in Sydney — but its impact has been profound.

“When we were preparing, nobody really even knew we were coming for a World Cup,” Thailand’s vice-captain Nattaya Boochatham said.

“But off the back of this, we’ve got a lot of attention around the world.”

Thailand was soundly beaten by England, South Africa and West Indies, prior to its final match against Pakistan being called off early because of rain.

External Link:

@T20WorldCup video tweet: "During the rain delay, Thailand kept the fans entertained on the big screen with an impromptu dance-off. Thank you for being part of #TheBigDance!"

Despite recording three heavy defeats, the joy and energy of the Thailand players has been infectious, highlighted when they bowed to the crowd, umpires and opponents during their matches.

“We can smile wholeheartedly and enjoy what a World Cup feels like, the experience has been invaluable for us,” Boochatham said.

Thailand has also experienced displays of sportsmanship from other teams.

New Zealand gave the Thais an impromptu coaching clinic when they met in a warm-up fixture.

Thai players feel ‘like a big family’

Most of Thailand’s team are semi-professional, forced to juggle their playing duties with jobs or education commitments.

“When we go back we will take a bit of a break, enjoy [time] with our families, go back to studying, then after that, it’s straight back to planning for the [one-day World Cup] 50-over qualifier,” Boochatham said.

There was a significant amount of preparation put into the T20 World Cup campaign, as the squad of 15 came from different parts of Thailand to live under the one roof in a Bangkok house rented by the Cricket Association of Thailand.

The players became “like a big family”, as they ate, slept and breathed cricket while undergoing a strict training regime.

“Always being together [makes] you understand the dynamics of everyone,” Boochatham said.

“We know each other inside out, which is great when we are on the field, [as] we back each other.”


The Thai players created a family-like environment in the build-up to the World Cup. (ICC)

Most of Thailand’s World Cup team switched to cricket from other sports such as softball, basketball and volleyball.

Captain Sornnarin Tippoch was scouted playing softball at university at 21, while Boochatham enjoyed a similar journey across to cricket.

“I thought, ‘this is going to hurt a lot because I don’t have my [softball] mitts on’, but once I got into it and started batting I fell in love and have been playing ever since,” Boochatham said.

The young team is hungrier than ever to match the standard set by the world’s best.

“How we’ve underperformed is a wake-up call to us to motivate us,” Boochatham said.

“We have been exposed but that’s not a bad thing. We have to get stronger and bring our A game.”

The tough initiation has paved the way for younger Thai players, according to Boochatham.

“We want the world to know that we can play, for us to set the benchmark for the new generation of Thai cricketers to show this is the level you have to be performing at,” she said.

“Hopefully, we are good role models for the future.”

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

‘It’s absolutely awful’: Scared or bored, hotel guests face four-star lockdown on Spanish island Tenerife


More than 700 guests are spending a second day in lockdown at a hotel on Spain’s Canary Islands, after four cases of coronavirus were detected there among a group of Italians.

Key points:

  • Authorities relaxed the rules in the hotel to allow guest without symptoms to use hotel common areas
  • The hotel says it is cooperating with authorities but guests complain about a lack of information
  • A group of tourists who did not have contact with the Italian guests who tested positive, may be allowed to leave

“It’s absolutely awful,” Lara Pennington, 45, said from the H10 Adeje Palace hotel in Tenerife.

Ms Pennington, from Manchester in England, is on holiday with her two young sons and her elderly in-laws.

She says she barely slept, worried about contagion after the Italians were sent to hospital.

She said the family was staying in their rooms, even though authorities relaxed the rules on Wednesday so people displaying no symptom of illness could go to the pool and other common areas.

“It’s very scary because everyone is out, in the pool, spreading the virus,” Ms Pennington said.

“I won’t go down to the restaurant and had to ring down and ask them to bring us food up to the room now that the restaurant has re-opened.”

Like other guests, she complained about a lack of information.

What you need to know
Here’s a rundown of all the facts about coronavirus, and how you can make sure you’re protected.

The hotel said in a statement it was cooperating with authorities and did not respond to any questions for comment.

Guests will have to stay in the hotel for 14 days, authorities said on Wednesday, to avoid any risk of spreading the disease — their experience reminiscent of the holidaymakers on board the Diamond Princess cruise liner that spent two weeks in quarantine off Yokohama, near Tokyo.

At first, said Christopher Betts, from Leicestershire in central England, he and his wife spent their time holed up in their room watching TV or surfing the internet, told to stay in despite the sunshine. Picnic breakfasts were brought to their rooms.

“We are fine, but pretty bored. We cannot go anywhere, just to the restaurants to have tea or coffee,” Betts said.

“Everything is very quiet.”

A video he later shot and sent to Reuters showed people enjoying their newfound — if relative — freedom, by the pool after the rules were relaxed, basking in the sun, most of them wearing face masks.

Judge to determine when guests can leave


Guests with symptoms have been confined to their rooms, while others have chosen to isolate themselves. (Reuters: Borja Suarez)

Another visitor said they had not been informed the lockdown would last two weeks.

“We receive information by telephone or through staff knocking on our door, but we have no idea how long we are going to stay here,” said Heidi, from Germany.

Here’s how the coronavirus travel restrictions will affect you
Travelling to China soon? Have friends and family in China planning a trip to Australia? Here’s everything you need to know.

“The hotel is really nice. We like it, but we really didn’t have luck with all this.”

A group of 100 tourists who arrived on Monday and did not have contact with the Italians are set to be allowed to leave the hotel, the Canary’s regional authorities said on Tuesday. But there was no sign yet of any of them leaving on Wednesday.

Because people’s freedom is being touched on, the matter is in the hands of a judge, a spokesman for a Canary Island regional court said.

More on the coronavirus outbreak:

The judge will rule on a daily basis whether some of the hotel guests will be allowed to leave.

The coronavirus can spread via droplets in the air when an infected person coughs, sneezes or breathes out, and these can also contaminate surfaces such as door handles and railings.

“Asymptomatic hotel guests can have a normal life inside the hotel, with the required prevention measures, while the guests with symptoms will remain isolated in their rooms,” regional government official Maria Teresa Cruz Oval said.

Stephen Griffin, an expert on infection and immunity at Britain’s University of Leeds, said the best advice for guests was to minimise contact with one another and to remain in their rooms as much as possible.

“Much like the situation on the cruise ships, hotels have numerous communal areas, lifts and access points that could conceivably represent a means by which infection may be passed on,” he said.

Video: How coronavirus sparked a global emergency

(Four Corners)


Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

Only known colour footage of Sir Donald Bradman batting discovered


The only known colour film of Sir Donald Bradman playing cricket has been discovered in a gift to the National Film and Sound Archive of Australia (NFSA) and the donor had no idea what he had.

Key points:

  • The footage shows Bradman batting in his second-last first-class innings, in 1949
  • It came a year after his famous final Test dismissal
  • The man who donated the film had “no idea” what was on it

The film was shot in February 1949 as Sir Donald Bradman played his second-last first-class innings in a testimonial match for two of his old New South Wales captains, Alan Kippax and Bert Oldfield, at the SCG.

He was 40 years old and had been recently knighted.

The bright colour footage shows him striding to the crease in front of a packed crowd of more than 41,000 people and playing a few of his trademark leg glances and pulls.

He scored 53 runs in 65 minutes in the first innings before he was caught out off the bowling of his old teammate, Keith Miller, and did not bat in the second.

Donor had ‘no idea’ Bradman was in footage


Don Bradman always drew a crowd. (Supplied: National Film and Sound Archive of Australia)

The 16-millimetre colour footage was shot by George Hobbs, who worked as a cameraman for the Department of Information during World War II and later for ABC TV.

The inside story of Bradman’s final-innings duck
Sir Donald Bradman’s average of 99.94 is arguably the most famous statistic in Australian sport — but his teammate Neil Harvey says he would have preferred The Don to finish on 100.

It was donated to the NFSA by George Hobbs’s son, Adrian, in a can marked “Manly and Bondi Beach, Sydney, 1949”.

The senior curatorial officer at the NFSA, Jeffrey Ray, said the Bradman footage was only discovered when the film was undergoing a technical assessment.

“It was just fascinating that it came in and the donor had no idea that it actually contained Don Bradman footage,” Mr Ray said.

“The feeling is quite amazing, because it really is unexpected and to get something that really shows someone of such significance as Sir Donald Bradman in colour and doing what he does best — playing cricket in the middle — is just a very special sort of feeling.

“You can’t believe it really, because you’ve been, I guess, conditioned over life to believe everything was black [and white] over that period of time.”

The film was taken the year after Bradman’s final Test innings, when he was bowled for a second-ball duck against England at the Oval.

What is not as widely known as that final Test dismissal is that Bradman scored another four centuries in first-class cricket after that Test, including three in England and one during his own testimonial match earlier in Melbourne.

He played one more first-class innings in another testimonial match for AJ Richardson, scoring 30 in the first innings before he sprained his ankle on a sunken water tap while fielding.

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

Why this barrister is collecting judges’ wigs — even ones treated with arsenic


Some of the nation’s courtrooms have done away with the traditional white horsehair wigs and gowns worn by judges and lawyers.

Key points:

  • Tasmanian barrister Ray Broomhall says there’s a story behind every wig
  • Some of the wigs in his collection pre-date the Australian colonies
  • Mr Broomhall says collecting the wigs is part of preserving the stories of the characters in legal history

But Tasmanian barrister Ray Broomhall is collecting them as fast as they can be discarded — sometimes even calling dibs on a wig while it’s still in use.

Mr Broomhall said he would like to get his hands on former justice of the High Court Michael Kirby’s wig.

“I’d love to have one of his wigs — whether his barrister wig or one that he wore in the High Court. That would be to me the ultimate,” he said.

He would not put a price on how much he has spent on his unusual collection.

“It’s not the wig itself — it’s the people behind the wig,” he said.

“The story behind each wig is absolutely amazing, and they’re priceless when you think of the stories behind them.”

Taking pride of place in his collection is the wig worn by Thomas Strangman when he successfully prosecuted Indian civil rights leader Mahatma Gandhi for sedition in 1922.


Mahatma Mohandas Gandhi, Indian independence leader and advocate of non-violent civil disobedience. (Public Domain: Gandhiserve.org)

Gandhi was jailed for six years.

“Sir Thomas Strangman and Mahatma Gandhi struck up a very good friendship whilst he was incarcerated,” he said.

“And he [Sir Thomas] actually started converting Mahatma to the pacifist angle and if it wasn’t for this friendship, then Mahatma wouldn’t have become the man he is today.

“So that’s the history behind this particular wig. Absolutely incredible.”

Another favourite in his collection is the wig worn by the then-colony of New South Wales prosecutor, Thomas Wylde.

“You can’t read it clearly now but the wig tin actually says ‘Clerk of the Peace’ on the actual tin,” he said.

“This wig here was worn by the very first prosecutor in the colony in the whole of Australia. The very first.”

Wylde’s son was Sir John Wylde — one of New South Wales’s original judges.

Sir John also instigated the Supreme Court of Tasmania — the oldest Supreme Court in Australia.

“Sir John Wylde needed a prosecutor, so he got his father to come all the way from England,” Mr Broomhall explained.

“Thomas then later on, after he’s done his stint here in Australia as the prosecutor, he then set up a company called Denton Wylde, and that is now one of the largest law firms in the world. And that came from that one wig.”

Human hair replaced by horses’

Some of the wigs in the collection pre-date the Australian colonies and include what can only be described as a mullet-esque wig worn by a barrister in England in 1745.

It is made of human hair and nestled along with it in its box are the implements to curl and crimp the strands and a tiny bellow used to puff a mixture of lead and arsenic into the wig.

“They used to use arsenic and lead to kill the lice and also make it white,” Mr Broomhall said.

Amazingly, lice were not the reason wigs from human hair were ditched and replaced by horsehair wigs.


Ray Broomhall would not put a price on how much he has spent on his unusual collection. (ABC News: Adam Harding)

“There was actually a big court case that said you can’t trade in human body parts, so barristers were walking around with human-hair wigs and they found they had to go to horsehair,” Mr Broomhall said.

While the more modern wigs follow a pattern which includes a set guide of the number of side curls for barristers and back curls for judges, each wig is subtly different.

The wigs’ individual quirks give a special insight into the wearer.

Full-bottomed wigs for judges have been phased out — even for ceremonial occasions — in Tasmania.

The now-retired wigs are still housed at the Supreme Court of Tasmania in Hobart. Registrar Jim Connolly is the keeper of Supreme Court of Tasmania judges’ wigs.

“They’re part of our legal history,” Mr Connolly said.

“These wigs are handmade. They are made of horsehair and they are fitted to the particular judge’s head that they need to adorn.

“Each one has their own character.”

Wigs are uncomfortable — even without lice

If you sneak a peek inside the flaps of the full-bottomed wig formerly worn by Sir Richard Green, who sat on the bench between 1950 and 1961, you will see a patch of floral material lovingly stitched on each inner side.

“[The] patch of fabric fixed inside [is] just to protect the judge’s ear from the abrasive nature of the horsehair on the wig,” Mr Connolly said.

It gives an insight into just how uncomfortable the wigs can be, even without lice.

Even Mr Broomhall is not a fan of wearing his own wig, made in and imported from England.


The now-retired wigs are still housed at the Supreme Court of Tasmania in Hobart. (ABC News: Phoebe Hosier)

His collection of wigs watches over him and inspires him as he works in his chamber — but he will not wear them.

“It’s tempting but I wouldn’t do it, I just couldn’t,” he said.

“I have so much respect for the people that wore the wig that I think that I wouldn’t want to taint whatever the power [is] in the wig.”

Mr Broomhall said his collection was far from complete and believed collecting the wigs was part of preserving and sharing the stories of the more colourful characters in legal history.

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

‘Bloody nuts’: Kagiso Rabada’s Test suspension after wicket celebration prompts mixed response

South Africa

South Africa paceman Kagiso Rabada has been suspended for a Test after an overzealous celebration of a dismissal in the third Test against England.

Key points:

  • Kagiso Rabada ran down the pitch and screamed right next to Joe Root after bowling out the England captain
  • Rabada was fined 15 per cent of his match fee for the level-one offence, but an accumulation of offences means he is suspended
  • The offences include two in the same Test of Australia’s ill-fated 2018 tour of South Africa

Rabada ran down the pitch and let out a prolonged scream about a metre away from Joe Root after removing the England captain’s off stump on day one of the Test in Port Elizabeth.

The Proteas star was found to have breached article 2.5 of the International Cricket Council’s (ICC) code of conduct, relating to “using language, actions or gestures which disparage or which could provoke an aggressive reaction from a batter upon his or her dismissal during an international match”.

External Link:

Kagiso Rabada screams right next to Joe Root

Rabada was fined 15 per cent of his match fee by the ICC for the level-one offence, but because it was his fourth violation of the code of conduct in the past 24 months, he will now miss the fourth Test in Johannesburg.

The offences date back to February 2018, when he gave India batsman Shikhar Dhawan a send-off during a one-day international.

The next month he copped two whacks from the ICC during the ill-fated Test series against Australia, after giving aggressive send-offs to Steve Smith, including a light bump of shoulders, and David Warner in the second Test.


This exchange with Steve Smith in 2018 drew demerits from the ICC, but it was far from the worst thing that happened in the series. (Reuters: Mike Hutchings)

That run of offences came on the back of a suspension for a Test in July 2017, which was also due to an accumulation of four demerit points, that time in the space of five months.

In commentary of the current series, former England skipper Michael Atherton said Rabada was “a slow learner, because he’s done it before”.

“But I don’t have a problem with that celebration … it’s a little overzealous and it’s a little close to Joe Root, but is that worthy of a demerit point and subsequent ban? I don’t think so,” Atherton said.


Rabada’s celebration does not look like much until you see where he was standing. (Reuters: Siphiwe Sibeko)

“You’ve got to allow players some leeway. It’s baking hot, he’s charging in and he’s not swearing at the opposition, he’s not abusing the opposition.”

One of the West Indies’ greatest fast bowlers, Michael Holding, agreed that the system was unfortunately set up, but that Rabada should have been smarter.

“You’ve got to understand the conditions under which you’re playing,” Holding said.

External Link:

@MichaelVaughan: Rabada getting a 1 game ban for celebrating taking the Wicket of the opponents best player is absolutely bonkers … Over rates & slow play nothing gets done … Celebrate a wicked and you are banned … The World is bloody nuts

“If you’re driving on the road and the speed limit is 30 miles per hour, whether it’s in a school zone or you’re on the highway and you think ‘oh this is too slow’, you still have to abide by the speed limit.

“If you want to go over the speed limit, go, but if you get caught don’t complain. It’s as simple as that.

“You know the playing conditions under which the ICC have put down their code of conduct; do not abuse it.”

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

Thousands of Australian expats face tax slug


Australian property owners living overseas have until the end of June to sell their homes if they want to avoid big capital gains tax bills.

For decades, Australians living abroad have been able to claim the capital gains tax (CGT) exemption on the family home.

Key points:

  • The Federal Government saw the controversial law pass through the Senate in early December
  • The change means thousands of Australian expats could be up for hefty capital gains tax bills
  • Tax experts argue the measure is draconian and may force expats to return to Australia and sell their homes before June 30

This exemption was available so long as the home was rented out for no more than six years at a time.

But in early December the Federal Government finally passed through the Senate its $581 million plan to change CGT arrangements for people living overseas.

The law basically eliminates the CGT exemption for Australian expatriates that has been in place since September 20, 1985.

It means that potentially thousands of Australians will be hit with capital gains tax if they sold their property while a resident overseas, and the tax bill will date back from the time the owner purchased their home, not the point at which they moved overseas.

For someone who purchased in the late 1980s, that could mean a hefty tax bill.

But under the law, foreign residents who already held property on May 9, 2017 will be able to claim the CGT main residence exemption, if they sell their property on or before June 30, 2020.

Policy’s ‘tortuous’ pathway towards becoming law

The changes, first flagged in the 2017-18 federal budget, had received much criticism from the expat community and their advisers, causing the Federal Government to delay the proposed measures until after the election.

But Federal Treasurer Josh Frydenberg told ABC News in July that proposed change “remains our Government’s policy” when asked if it would still proceed.

Expats could face big tax bills
A possible change to the capital gains tax main residence exemption for Aussies overseas has expats worried.

KPMG tax partner Mardi Heinrich said the policy measure’s pathway through the parliamentary process had been “tortuous”.

“The impact will fall on Australians living overseas currently, or in the future, who sell their Australian main residence while living overseas,” Ms Heinrich said.

“It will also apply to foreign nationals who buy a home in Australia to live in while working here, which they then sell after returning to their home country.”

“Furthermore, it will impact Australians who ordinarily live overseas and have their main residence overseas, but who come to reside in Australia for a temporary period.”

The Tax Institute’s senior tax counsel Bob Deutsch called it an “outrageous piece of legislation”.

“No one knows how many people are likely to be affected by these draconian measures, but it will certainly be in the thousands,” he wrote in a blog that he shared with ABC News.

“If we are genuine in wanting to build an agile, innovative workforce we have to do better than this.”

Atlas Wealth Management managing director Brett Evans said a high number of Australian expats would get caught out because many won’t be aware the previous six-year temporary absence rule was no longer applicable.

“In our daily discussions with Australian expats, very few people are aware of what has been proposed,” he said.

Exceptions for certain ‘life events’ apply

The Federal Government made some amendments to its original 2017 proposal that provide taxpayers with exceptions based on certain ‘life events’ such a terminal medical condition, death or divorce.

“The hardship relief will only apply where an individual has been a foreign resident for a period of six continuous years or less, and only in very limited and unfortunate circumstances,” Ms Heinrich said.

It would also be available if the resident moves back into their home before putting it on the market, she said.

Main tax changes individuals need to know
ABC News examines the main tax changes for individuals that the major political parties are proposing.

RSM Australia associate director, tax services, Tracey Dunn told ABC News the exemption was unclear in the case of a divorce.

“The legislation and the explanatory memorandum are silent on the impact on Australian tax residents who obtain the ownership interest in a dwelling from a former spouse who subsequently becomes a foreign resident,” Ms Dunn said.

She said if the property is not transferred in accordance with Tax Act, and the spouse transferring it is a foreign resident at the time of the transfer, the Australian resident spouse will only be eligible for a partial main residence exemption on the later sale of the property.

Meanwhile, the foreign resident transferring the property will be ineligible to claim the main residence exemption relating to their period of ownership and the ‘life event’ will not be covered by the Act, she said.

“This is an absurd outcome, particularly considering the dwelling may have been the family home for the entire period of ownership,” Ms Dunn said.

Taxpayers may have not kept records dating back to 1985

Robyn Jacobson, senior tax trainer at TaxBanter, who had been campaigning against the law, said despite the amendments based on certain life events, major problems existed.

She said the biggest issue was that most people had not kept adequate records about expenses related to property purchases that may date back to the late 1980s.

The taxes you owe when you die don’t go away
Australia doesn’t have a death tax, but someone has to pay your bills after you die

“The issue is that in calculating the capital gain it [the law] is based on the original cost base,” she said.

“And in many cases adequate record keeping will have not been maintained and people will not be able to establish what their cost base is,” Ms Jacobson added.

“This includes not just the original purchase price, but acquisition costs, holding costs and improvements to the family home.”

Ms Dunn was also concerned that many taxpayers would not have retained CGT records to properly work out their cost base.

“The Government repeatedly ignored calls to allow for a market value uplift for foreign residents on exiting Australia,” Ms Dunn said.

“Unless the Commissioner of Taxation uses his administrative powers to enable former residents to estimate the cost base of their property on a reasonable basis, many former Australians may be unfairly ‘over taxed’,” she said.

How the law change may apply

To demonstrate how the law change would impact expats, Mr Deutsch gave the example of a fictional couple, Elizabeth and Barry, who purchased a home in Melbourne in Elizabeth’s name on April 1, 1991 for $1.2 million.

In January 2019, Elizabeth gets offered a senior position in a bank in England on an initial two-year contract but renewable by joint agreement.

She accepts and the couple leave for England in April 2019, while renting out the property on a one-year lease.

High Court rules tax debts can be shifted between spouses
A High Court case has found that a tax debt of one spouse can be shifted to another during a divorce property settlement.

The job turns out to be a perfect fit and Barry has also found a job in England, so the couple decide to stay there permanently.

On April 1, 2021, the Melbourne property is sold for $4.6 million.

“As a result of the law, if Elizabeth is a foreign resident at the time of sale, which is likely on these facts, she will, quite absurdly, be denied the benefit of the main residence exemption,” Mr Deutsch said.

He said her capital gain based on one of two ways of assessing it, would be $1.8 million ($4.6 million minus $1.2 million reduced by 46.67 per cent).

An alternative, he said, would be for Elizabeth to have come back to Australia and re-establish her Australian residency for the sole purpose of allowing her to sell her property free of a CGT liability, or at the very least a reduced liability.

But he said this posed a “logistical nightmare” and raised a further question as to whether general anti-avoidance rules may apply.

“The scheme gives rise to a tax benefit in the form of an exemption which would not have applied but for her manoeuvre,” he said.

“All this can leave some advisers to expatriates like Elizabeth in quite some quandary as to what exactly is the best advice to give in such cases,” Mr Deutsch said.

“In addition, as Elizabeth will be taxed on the capital gain calculated using the original cost base, she will need to have kept accurate records of her purchase.”

He said this was unlikely given her property purchase dated back to 1991.

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

Here are the big centenaries you might be hearing about this year


Now that it’s 2020 and we into its third decade (or close enough for the sticklers), we’re starting to see how the 21st century is shaping up.

But in its previous iterations, the ’20s have been a massive time of change —from the economic spikes and seeds of war in the 1920s to the first pilgrims setting off to America in the 1520s

That means there are some big centenaries coming up that you might hear more about this year.

Let’s take a look back at some of the defining moments.



In 1920, the US passed the Nineteenth Amendment, enshrining the rights of women to vote. (Wikimedia Commons: Ladies’ Home Journal)

The hallmarks of the “Roaring Twenties” were (initially) economic growth and prosperity, as the wartime devastation of the previous decade gave way to social, artistic and cultural change.

At the turn of the decade, the national Country Party of Australia (now known as the National Party) was formed, while the Queensland and Northern Territory Aerial Service (which would later become Qantas) was founded in Winton, in Central West Queensland.

Across the pond, the United States passed the Nineteenth Amendment, enshrining the right of women to vote, while a nationwide ban on the production, important and sale of alcohol was imposed (and we all know how well that turned out).

Further abroad, Soviet Russia and the Democratic Republic of Georgia signed the Treaty of Moscow, recognising the latter’s independence, while the Mexican Revolution came to an end when military leader Pancho Villa surrendered after reaching a peace agreement with interim Mexican President Adolfo de la Huerta.

Other notable moments in 1920 include:

  • Bloody Sunday (November 21, 1920): 32 people were killed in one of the most significant events to take place during the Irish War of Independence.
  • Wall Street bombing (September 16, 1920): 30 people were killed and hundreds more were injured following a bomb blast in the Financial District of Manhattan. The case has never been solved, although historians believe Italian anarchists may be responsible.
  • George Polley, who earned the moniker “the human fly” for his uncanny ability to scale buildings, was arrested after climbing up the Woolworth Building in New York — which was, at the time, the world’s tallest building.


Though George Polley was caught, Harry Gardiner (pictured), also known as the Human Fly, continued to operate. (Wikimedia Commons: Evening public ledger)


From scientific breakthroughs to new frontiers, the 1820s was truly a decade of exploration, discovery and change.

The year started with a shakeup for the British monarchy after 59 years with the death of George III, now the third-longest reigning monarch on January 20. His eldest son George IV (who had been Prince Regent during his father’s decline) ascended to the throne.

The Essex, an American whaler and the real-life inspiration for Moby Dick, was attacked and sunk by a sperm whale in the southern Pacific Ocean in 1820, forcing its 20-man crew to fend for themselves.


The Essex, an American whaler and the real-life inspiration for Moby Dick, was attacked and sunk by a sperm whale in 1820. (Wikimedia Commons: Nantucket Historical Association)

After reaching land, the men suffered severe dehydration and starvation — and reportedly resorted to eating each other. The remaining survivors were rescued some three months later.

Speaking of people with no limbs, the Venus de Milo, now one of the Louvre’s star attractions, was discovered within the ancient city ruins of Milos during the same year (though it is believed to have been made by the sculptor Alexandros of Antioch in the 2nd century BC).


The Venus de Milo, now one of the Louvre’s star attractions, was discovered within the ancient city ruins of Milos. (Wikimedia Commons: Jimmy Wee)

British explorer Edward Bransfield claimed Trinity Peninsula, the northernmost part of the Antarctic Peninsula, for Britain.

Other notable moments in 1820 include:

  • Danish scientist Hans Christian Oersted became the first person to identify electromagnetism after watching a compass needle.
  • The Royal Astronomical Society, which would later honour the likes of Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking, was founded in London.
  • Robert Gibbon Johnson, an American farmer and judge, reportedly proved that tomato was non-poisonous by biting into one on the steps of a courthouse in Salem, New Jersey (although there are various doubts around this claim).



Calico Jack was captured and sentenced to death. (Wikimedia Commons)

Ahoy, me Hearties! Or rather, goodbye, with 1720 marking the end of the “golden age” of piracy.

Infamous captain John Rackham, otherwise known as Calico Jack, and his two female crew members, Mary Read and Anne Bonny, were captured by pirate hunter Jonathan Barnet and swiftly sentenced to death in Jamaica.

Though he was ultimately hanged, Read and Bonny won stays of execution after claiming they were pregnant.

Elsewhere, England was hit with its own wave — the “South Sea Bubble”.

The South Sea Company was founded to take over most of Britain’s unconsolidated national debt, but it didn’t quite go to plan. Share prices were massively inflated, before the English stock market crashed, creating a notorious economic bubble that ruined thousands of investors.

Other notable moments in 1720 include:

  • The Great Plague of Marseille reached French shores, killing a total of 100,000 people.
  • Edmond Halley, from whom Halley’s Comet was named after, was appointed the second Astronomer Royal in Britain.
  • The Royal Cork Yacht Club, credited as the first yacht club in the world, was founded in Ireland.


At the turn of the decade, the Mayflower set sail from England to what we now know as the United States, carrying more than 100 English Puritans — making this year its 400th anniversary.

Though bound for Virginia, stormy weather and navigational errors forced it off course, and the Pilgrims ultimately landed in Massachusetts, founding the first permanent European settlement.

Other notable moments in 1620 include:

  • Astronomer Johannes Kepler’s mother was arrested for witchcraft and imprisoned for 14 months


At the turn of the decade, the Mayflower set sail from England to what we now know as the United States. (Wikimedia Commons: William Halsall)

Source: https://www.abc.net.au/news

Foals – Neptune Lyrics

Play this song

[Verse 1]
Hey, now it’s time to go
From the white wards of England
The crows line the rivers and roads
I wanna walk where I know
Through the olive groves
The sky that knows my name
It gave me away
The magnolia moon
Like an eggshell, a white bell
To lighten my cold room
So let me sleep where I lay
With a murder of crows
That live in the boughs of my brain

See me when I float like a dove
Skies above lined with trees
I’m on my knees, I’m singing, please
Come and take me away

[Verse 2]
Time brings low all good things
When you open your eyes
When you open your eyes
Now in the vastness of pines
Where my ghost lies in loose-limbed array
I pass the time
And go upload my heart to the fatal shore
Forevermore, it spins here behind closed doors
Now, it’s time to go through the fields of chrome
The rusted homes abandoned at the remains of the day
So come on, row me away
On black rivers and rainbows to Neptune
Where I can stay

See me when I float like a dove
The skies above lined with trees
I’m on my knees, I’m begging, please
Come and take me away
Take me away
Come take me away

Time brings low the best of things
When you open your eyes
When you open your eyes, eyes
Time brings low all good things
When we open our eyes
When we open our eyes


Oh, I’ve waited so long
On the snow shores of England
To sing my last song
So come row me away
On black rivers and rainbows to Neptune
Where I can stay

See me when I float like a dove
The skies above lined with trees
I’m on my knees, begging, please
Come and take me away
Come take me away
Come take me away

Green Day – Holiday – Live Lyrics

And this next song is a big fuck you to all the politicians
This song’s called

This song is not anti-American
It’s anti-war

[Verse 1]
Hear the sound of the falling rain
Coming down like an Armageddon flame (Hey!)
The shame, the ones who died without a name
Hear the dogs howling out of key
To a hymn called “Faith and Misery” (Hey!)
And bleed, the company lost the war today

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

[Verse 2]
Hear the drum pounding out of time
Another protester has crossed the line (Hey!)
To find the money’s on the other side
Brothers and sisters
Can I get another Amen? (Amen!)
There’s a flag wrapped around a score of men (Hey!)
A gag, a plastic bag on a monument

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
On holiday

Lights out
“The representative from the United Kingdom now has the floor”

[Middle Eight]
Sieg Heil to the president Gasman
Bombs away is your punishment
Pulverize the Eiffel towers
Who criticize your government
Bang bang goes the broken glass
And kill all the fags that don’t agree
Trials by fire, setting fire
Is not a way that’s meant for me
Just ‘cause, just ‘cause
Because we’re outlaws, yeah!

I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
I beg to dream and differ from the hollow lies
This is the dawning of the rest of our lives
This is our lives on holiday


Jake Paul – Saturday Night Lyrics

[Chorus: Chad Tepper & Jake Paul]
What you doing this Saturday Night?
Me and you, this Saturday Night
We’ll be to the cribs this Saturday Night
Netflix and Chill this Saturday Night
Swipe a ride on you this Saturday Night
Pizza and ranch this Saturday Night
Chilling in my Calvin’s this Saturday Night
Let’s get a tattoo this Saturday Night

[Verse 1: Jake Paul]
Saturday’s are for the boys
Saturday let’s make some noise
Taco Bell is open late
Slumber parties, movie date
Saturday I can’t complain
Take me back to the good ol’ days
Ohio and chasing baes
That’s how they made Saturday’s
In my Jeep, lots of doors
Pulling up to Gucci stores
Start a fire, cook some smores
Down to date and close the door
Yeah we’re here
Yeah we’re lit
Now It’s Rari’s new civics
I ain’t sorry we got hits
Tell the DJ play our shit

[Chorus: Chad Tepper & Jake Paul]
What you doing this Saturday Night?
Me and you, this Saturday Night
We’ll be to the cribs this Saturday Night
Netflix and Chill this Saturday Night
Swipe a ride on you this Saturday Night
Pizza and ranch this Saturday Night
Chilling in my Calvin’s this Saturday Night
Let’s get a tattoo this Saturday Night

[Verse 2: Nick Crompton]
Crumps and Tea
This side and I
Chilling with the queen this Saturday Night
England is my city this Saturday Night
Driving on the left side of the road tonight
I’m the English Elder this Saturday Night
Mini cooper and your chick to my right
Fish and Chips this Saturday Night
Lundage in my Gucci, you can take a flight
Winston Church, you don’t want to fight
I got my Visa last Saturday Night
Last Saturday Night (x2)

[Chorus: Chad Tepper & Jake Paul]
What you doing this Saturday Night?
Me and you, this Saturday Night
We’ll be to the cribs this Saturday Night
Netflix and Chill this Saturday Night
Swipe a ride on you this Saturday Night
Pizza and ranch this Saturday Night
Chilling in my Calvin’s this Saturday Night
Let’s get a tattoo this Saturday Night

Outro: Nick Crompton & Jake Paul
Last Saturday Night
Last Saturday Night
Last Saturday Night
Last Saturday Night
Cheerio, Mate

Ishawna Talks Danielle D.I. Beef and Disrespecting Miss Lou

Ishawna and Danielle D.I. beef ended as fast as it started.

While the “Equal Rights” appears to be the victor, it came at a price. Her gritty diss records drew some controversy for some lyrics where she was disrespected D.I.’s mother. Speaking with Winford Winford on OnStage last weekend, Ishawna says she has no regrets about the “mother” lyrics. She also said that she has a lot more to come but didn’t elaborate on her new singles.

“I’ve just been doing my things, deal with my career as everybody knows that’s what I do, I focus on me and I just heard a song came out about me,” Ishawna said. “She said a lot of things in her interview and everything that she said was not true and I am not really here to discuss what she said in her interview, I am just speaking on what I know about. I don’t know anything about D.I., me and D.I. were never friends, we never use to cross roads together none of that. Me here a mind my business a go my gym, a drink my water, a take my vitamins, and I just heard a song about me. I had a flight because I was suppose to go England and my flight got postponed and I just decided that I am going to answer her because I have some free times on my hands.”

Ishawna said that initially she didn’t want to respond, but because she had some free time on her hands she decided to go in the studio and released a diss track. She also spoke in depth about the mother situation where she said that she has no regrets. The dancehall deejay then discussed some recent backlash over some remarks she said about Miss Lou on Instagram and her recent “Equal Rights” single.

Richie Stephens to be Honored by ASCAP For Rihanna’s “Work”

The American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers (ASCAP) set to honour Richie Stephens on October 16th, in London, England.

ASCAP is the only American based association that protects the copyrights of songwriters, composers and music publishers by monitoring public performance of their music, whether it be live performance or via broadcast, and appropriately compensate them.

Richie Stephens is a successful Jamaican singer/ producer for over two decades; he was born and raised in Westmoreland. Stephens recorded his very first song in 1984 but did not hit stardom until the 1990’s . The reggae crooner was not only a Grammy Award winner but was also awarded the Jamaican Governor-General’s Achievement Award for contributing to civic, social and recreational projects in and around his birth parish.

Stephens will be given an American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers (ASCAP) award for his contribution to Rihanna’s chart-topping single ‘Work’. ‘Work’, captured the song of the year and also sold the most digital copies for 2016. Stephens contributed the Sail Away ‘riddim’ on the Pot of Gold label to the hit, and was credited on the song as a co-writer.

In April, Stephens was awarded his first American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers (ASCAP) Pop Music Awards in Hollywood. “I am so blessed to be honored in the United Stated and now to be recognized in England. It is a major accomplishment at this time in my career. I share this award with my fans globally and three members of the Ska Nation Band who will accompany me on the red carpet in London,” said Stephens

Some of Stephens most popular songs includes “Winner,” “Color of Love,” “Live your Life,” and “Reggae Evolution.”

To tune into the awarded video click on the link:

Monty Python – French Taunter lyrics

And now I want to turn you to Sumeria,… 787
(music begins)
(Horn Blows)
Hello? …… Hello?!
Hello? Who is it?
It Is King Arthur and these are my knights of the round table,
Whose castle is this?
This is the castle of my master, Du eiut of lalamba!
Go and tell your master that we have been charged by god,
With a sacred quest. If you will give us food and shelter for
The night, he can join us in our quest for the holy grail.
Well, i’ll ask him but I don’t think he will be very keen!
Uh, he’s already got one you see!
What!?! He says they already got one!
Are you sure he’s got one?
Oh yes it’s a very nice! Uh I told them we already got one! Hehe
(snickers behind wall)
Well, uh, can we come up and have a look?
Of course not! You are english Type!
Well what are you then!?
I’m french! Why do you think I have this outragious accent you silly
What are you doing in England?
Mind your own buisness!
If you are will not show us the grail, we shall have to take your castle
By force!
You don’t frighten us you English pig dogs!
Go and boil your bottoms! Son of a silly person!
I’ll blow my nose at you, so called Arthur king! You and all your silly
English cunnnnnnnnnigits!
Tthppbpbb!!(making fart nosies with tongue)
What a strange person…..
Now look her my good man..
I don’t wanna talk to you no more you empty headed animal foot
Trough water! I’ll fart in your general direction! Your mother was a
Hamster and you father smelt of eldiberry!!!!
Is there someone else up there we can talk to?
No! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Ah well unfortunatley, our projecter has broken down, and
The other one is still at the theatre shop, so, uh while I
Get Sheila to get around and see if it’s ready,
And here’s a recording of an inbreaker.

Musicals – Chess – The Interview lyrics

Walter: [Spoken]
Tonight’s final item is a Global scoop.
The former champion, our Freddie Trumper, talks to Anatoly Sergievsky,
The man who beat him a year ago,
And who is defending his title here right now in Bangkok, Thailand.
Let’s get that Sergievsky family video lined up, okay?

We all want times in our careers,
When we make a little history.
Receive the plaudits of our peers,
Perhaps that time is here right now for me.
Ah Anatoly, if I may, let me say right away,
You will be thrilled, because the other seat is filled
By a long-standing friend of yours.

Well, here we are face to face once again.

By any standards, a bizarre reunion!

Is being homeless affecting your game?

I wouldn’t know, as I have a home in England.

No, by a home I mean real home–the place where your family is.

Anatoly: [Spoken]
England is my real home.

What are your latest political aims?

What are you saying?

Your anti-Russian crusade, has it worked?

I am no crusader.

What is your true motivation?
That is something we all want to know.

Anatoly: [Spoken]
You know damn well what my motivation is, okay?

Here we see a man under great pressure–
Two fights to fight, yet he could not look fresher.
Chess and politics, I take my hat off.
To any champion, who can pull that off?

I hear your second controls everything.

Chess is her passion.

But her obsession is East versus West.

Chess is her passion.

I know a little about her,
And she has got her own ax to grind.

Anatoly: [Spoken]
That is not true.

Aren’t you concerned that why your wife is not here?

I don’t discuss my private life in public.

But don’t you care that she is not by your side?

I think I’ve had enough of this discussion!

Well, we’ve a little surprise.
We’ve got your wife on the video.

Walter: [Spoken]
Run the video!

Let her talk to you, give you her version–
How married life has changed, since your desertion.
Hey come back, my friend, we are only showing
Home movies–nothing more, where are you going?

Walter: [Spoken]
Great interview!

Molokov: [Spoken]
Bravo, Mr, de Courcy–Walter!

Walter: [Spoken]
Ah, Alexander!

Molokov: [Spoken]
I am glad that old film did the trick.
We are going to be able to help each other.

Walter: [Spoken]
Heartwarming international cooperation.

Molokov: [Spoken]
I have good news about Anatoly’s lady friend.
Florence Vassy’s father is alive.

Walter: [Spoken]
Really? Well, this is good news. Have you told her yet?

Molokov: [Spoken]
No, I was going to leave that pleasure to you.
However, my friend, there is one thing-

Walter: [Spoken]
Yes, of course there is.

Molokov: [Spoken]
I think Mr. Sergievsky must lose the match and come home.
Do you not agree?

Walter: [Spoken]
Sure, but there are others beside Vassy we wish to see come home.

Molokov: [Spoken]
That should not be a problem. Do we have a deal?

Walter: [Spoken]
We have a deal, and everybody wins.

Molokov: [Spoken]
Except Anatoly.

Walter: [Spoken]
But he gets the lovely Svetlana.

The White Stripes – Seven Nation Army

I’m gonna fight ’em off
A seven nation army couldn’t hold me back
They’re gonna rip it off
Taking their time right behind my back
And I’m talkin’ to myself at night
Because I can’t forget
Back and forth through my mind
Behind a cigarette

And the message comin’ from my eyes says, "Leave it alone."

Don’t wanna hear about it
Every single one’s got a story to tell
Everyone knows about it
From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell
And if I catch it comin’ back my way
I’m gonna serve it to you
And that ain’t what you want to hear
But that’s what I’ll do

And the feeling coming from my bones says, "Find a home."

I’m going to Wichita
Far from this opera for evermore
I’m gonna work the straw
Make the sweat drip out of every pore
And I’m bleeding, and I’m bleeding, and I’m bleeding
Right before the lord
All the words are gonna bleed from me
And I will think no more

And the stains comin’ from my blood tell me, "Go back home."

Young Dolph – Bagg Lyrics

[Hook: Young Dolph]
I got the streets
I got the juice
I got the weed, I got the drank, I got the coupe
I got the racks, I got the trap, I got the hoes
I got the strap, I got the hitters
Stay out my way, paper route business, hey!
I got the money (first you get the money)
I got the power (then you get the power)
We got the streets (hey, hey!)
Because they ours (uh-huh!)
I got the bag, I got the swag, I got the bag
‘Bout to go spend a bag, ’bout to go spend a bag
Go spend a bag, ’bout to go spend a bag, hey!

[Verse 1: Young Dolph]
What is that question you asked?
What is in my bookbag?
That’s just a whole lot of cash
Or that’s just a whole lot of swag
I just got back from England
I just made a mil in three months
I just smoked an ounce in three blunts
I pour lean in my grape blue punch
I never had shit so I stunt, flex
Half a million dollars worth of jewelry on while I’m havin’ sex
Real street nigga playin’ with paper
So I do it for the streets, fuck a hater
Yeah I threw the money on a stripper ho
But later on that night I fucked a waiter
‘Bout to go spend me a bag
I’m ’bout to go spend me a bag
I’m ’bout to go fuck on your bitch
Take her overseas with me, she in first class
I’m ’bout to go spend me a bag
I’m ’bout to go spend me a bag
Boy that’s a whole lot of swag
Gucci Timberlands with the matching rag

[Hook: Young Dolph]
I got the streets
I got the juice
I got the weed, I got the drank, I got the coupe
I got the racks, I got the trap, I got the hoes
I got the strap, I got the hitters
Stay out my way, paper route business, hey!
I got the money (first you get the money)
I got the power (then you get the power)
We got the streets (hey, hey!)
Because they ours (uh-huh!)
I got the bag, I got the swag, I got the bag
‘Bout to go spend a bag, ’bout to go spend a bag
Go spend a bag, ’bout to go spend a bag, hey!

[Verse 2: Lil Yachty]
I got the the youth, I got the Benz
Was gon’ cop Bentley but then I got Maybach
That boy ain’t no soldier, he act like Pat Sajak
A nigga so fresh that I smell just like Ajax
Ooh, I got the bag
I got the swag in a box filled with tags
Show off my riches ’cause I came from rags
Jacksonville shawty, my bitch drive a Jag
Nigga run up, on my soul he’ll get dragged
I spend a whole lotta, Uzi scarf rap like I came from Al-Qaeda
Fuck the rap game, I do not need no writers
I know the shooters and hang with the fighters
One kilo dab, I pipe up more than Rayu
Piper viper viper, my bro keep a sniper
Pop pop at your top
Fuck around and run it up like I’m Guap
Ay, never gon’ stop
Lil Boat take your worst day to the chop shop
Over there on the east block
He lives the thug life just like Pac
I live the good life, I’m the don
Young enough to be your mama’s son
But some hire mama’s sons
Still a nigga signing, fuck her older son
Shout out Zaya, got my neck and wrist on pawn

[Hook: Young Dolph]
I got the streets
I got the juice
I got the weed, I got the drank, I got the coupe
I got the racks, I got the trap, I got the hoes
I got the strap, I got the hitters
Stay out my way, paper route business, hey!
I got the money (first you get the money)
I got the power (then you get the power)
We got the streets (hey, hey!)
Because they ours (uh-huh!)
I got the bag, I got the swag, I got the bag
‘Bout to go spend a bag, ’bout to go spend a bag
Go spend a bag, ’bout to go spend a bag, hey!

[Verse 3: Young Dolph]
I pull up smokin’ out the bag
I’m ’bout to go spend a bag
I count that money real fast
I wonder if that’s her real ass
I’m on the E-way doin’ the dash
All this ice on me looking like glass
These bitches they love me like [?]
In the trap I perfected my craft
Told you niggas ain’t really [?]
Told you niggas ain’t seeing us
Lost a quarter mil re’ing up
Niggas too slow, ain’t keeping up
Sipping on Actavis
Drinking me a codeine daiquiri
Showed up late but fashionably
Every week is fashion week, yeah
Need a bad bitch that set it off like Jada
I don’t wanna fuck, I want you to hold my sack, I’ll pay you
In Pappadeaux eating alligator
My favorite app is a calculator
Yeah, I think I might go spend me a bag today my nigga

[Hook: Young Dolph]
I got the streets
I got the juice
I got the weed, I got the drank, I got the coupe
I got the racks, I got the trap, I got the hoes
I got the strap, I got the hitters
Stay out my way, paper route business, hey!
I got the money (first you get the money)
I got the power (then you get the power)
We got the streets (hey, hey!)
Because they ours (uh-huh!)
I got the bag, I got the swag, I got the bag
‘Bout to go spend a bag, ’bout to go spend a bag
Go spend a bag, ’bout to go spend a bag, hey!

Horrible Histories – The 4 Georges: Born 2 Rule lyrics

George I:
I took the throne of England
Just ’cause I was protestant
A German prince whose English stank,
King George number one

George II:
I like to argue, now that’s clear
Especially with my father here
And when he died of diarrhoea
I fought with my son

George III:
I broke records with my sixty year reign

George VI:
And I broke the scales with my giant frame

Born to rule over you
King George four, three, one and two
You had to do what we told you to
Just because our blood was blue

George I:
I was a hunk, girls adored me
Ladies all swooned before me
They would do anything for me
Or I’d have their husbands killed

George II:
Had a war with Prince Charles Bonnie

George III:
Everyone said that I was f-f-funny

George IV:
I spent everyone’s money

Our subjects were not thrilled

George I:
I was the sad one,

George II:
I was the bad one

George III
I was the mad one,

George IV:
and I was the fat one

We were born to rule over you
Georges one, three, four and two
England’s kings, though we were German too
Him, then him, then me, then you

(We were born)Born to rule over you(born 2 rule)

George I:
Gorged on fruit then I died on the loo

People hated us, and we hated them too
Born to rule over you

Born to rule over you

George III:
Me I was as batty as a bonkers kangaroo

George IV:
Me I would have been more at home in a zoo
And now, now our song is through.



George III:

P Money – Gunfingers

[Hook: P Money]
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place they’re like
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place they’re like
Tell em’ don’t go down there
Go round there you’ll hear…
Tell em’ don’t come round ere’
Come round ere’ you’ll hear…

[Verse 1: P Money]
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place like bap bap
Remember those days 20 man in a rave
And another 20 getting through the back back
No one here kicks ball for the England team
But everybody’s got caps caps
Some of these bad boys ain’t here to rave
You will not find them in no snapchats
Nah but you can find them in the back
Gunfinger left hand right hand yak
Man’s on the stage front door’s for the yats
Shutdown mode reloads are on tap
Big crowd reaction whenever I chat
Run to the deck, pull it back back
Peak, I don’t know why she’s on that
I guess P Money’s just got it like that cos

[Hook: P Money]
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place they’re like
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place they’re like
Tell em’ don’t go down there
Go round there you’ll hear…
Tell em’ don’t come round ere’
Come round ere’ you’ll hear…

[Verse 2: Jme]
You might see on my road in a P90
Or leng online with a P90
You could ask P ’bout me
Man get burst like rapid photography
It’s mad on stage
Security wanna vibes and rave
Hand on my shoulder, gunfingers on the other hand
And a big smile on their face
Fam, ‘llow it, if I ever get
Another touch of the mic then it’s curtains
Ah fam, ‘llow it, pull up in a Merc
But hop on the mic, you’re not merking
Ah fam, ‘llow it, man ain’t ever gonna
Race certain man and I’m certain
So fam, ‘llow it, tell a man already
In the haunted house, it ain’t working

[Hook: P Money]
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place they’re like
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place they’re like
Tell em’ don’t go down there
Go round there you’ll hear…
Tell em’ don’t come round ere’
Come round ere’ you’ll hear…

[Verse 3: Wiley]
Came in the game with a tenner for the subs
Now I’m running the game just like Jay-Z
If you ain’t got a real drive or a love for the money
Then I’m sure you’re gonna hate me
If I’m in the summer that water, dry mouth
That is gonna dehydrate me
Man wanna control my music career
But none of them man there don’t pay me
Jump off a cliff and I land on my feet
Cause I’m busting a cape just like Batman
If yellow dots mean points
Then I’m snapping them up just like Pacman
Living in number 10 Downing Street
You will never see a…
Blud, I eat so much food right now
Should be looking like a…

[Hook: P Money]
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place they’re like
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place they’re like
Tell em’ don’t go down there
Go round there you’ll hear…
Tell em’ don’t come round ere’
Come round ere’ you’ll hear…
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place they’re like
Yo, you might see gunfingers
When I come in the place they’re like
Tell em’ don’t go down there
Go round there you’ll hear…
Tell em’ don’t come round ere’
Come round ere’ you’ll hear…

B.o.B – Bend Over (Elements Album)

You so focused on who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you
You so suckered into who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you motherfucker
Bend over, bend over
Grab your ankles, touch your knees, bend over
Bend over, bend over
Grab your ankles, touch your knees, bend over motherfucker
You so focused on who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you
You so suckered into who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you motherfucker
Bend over

[Verse 1]
What you talking bout, who you fucking kidding
I do this for a fucking living
Private life, public life
I can’t tell the fucking difference
I’m from the city people love to visit
Every square foot, a hundred bitches
Hoes whoring, it ain’t nothing new
If I ain’t hit it, someone hit it
Bob, there’s more to life than money, riches
There’s more to life than fucking bitches
Screenshots, ass shots, and Ciroc shots
That’s why I don’t trust them bitches
She ain’t fit in with them other bitches
All they is to her is competition
She just want be complemented
She just want a hundred million followers
Back it up, bend it over on the [?]
On your back, knees up, gynecologist
And you know who stays anonymous
Put it together then it’s obvious but

You so focused on who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you
You so suckered into who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you motherfucker
Bend over, bend over
Grab your ankles, touch your knees, bend over
Motherfucker, bend over, bend over
Grab your ankles, touch your knees, bend over motherfucker
You so focused on who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you
You be bugging over who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you motherfucker
Bend over

[Verse 2]
Bob, miss me with them conscious lyrics
You sound just like the one percenters
You must of did a bunch of acid
Either that or you just fucking with us
You want to be a star, sell out concert tickets?
A mansion and a Hollywood subdivision?
You get the fame under one condition
You get copied at the cloning center
They kill ‘em with a common ending
Overdose from a drug addiction
Same story, same headline
A stroke, a heart attack, an aneurysm
Celebrities and politicians
Just to name a couple members
Rituals and pedophilia
Sacrifices, blood religion
The queen of England got arrest warrants
For the disappearance of a dozen children
Do your research on the topic
The same time every year kids come up missing

But you so focused on who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you
You so suckered into who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you motherfucker
Bend over, bend over
Grab your ankles, touch your knees, bend over
Motherfucker, bend over, bend over
Grab your ankles, touch your knees, bend over motherfucker
You be bugging off of who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you
You be bugging off of who fucking who you don’t realize who fucking you motherfucker
Bend, bend, bend, bend, bend
Get, get, get bent motherfucker

Horrible Histories – Natural Selection lyrics

Mmmm yeah.
Mmmm yeah.

[Verse 1]
People thought all animals
Arrived here unrelated
The world began, and then came man
All perfectly created

[Verse 2]
But then someone looked up a tree.
And said “That monkey looks just like me!”
So it really was a mystery
What I’d learned in natural history!

[Verse 3]
So I joined HMS Beagle
Watched the eagle and the seagull
We studied rock and plants
Flowers, trees and bees and ants

[Verse 4]
Slept on hammocks without pillows
Eating rats and armadillos
Till I realised on reflec-tion
It’s natural selection! Yeah!

[Verse 5]
Natural selection means
Each animal evolved
To blend with its surroundings
Ch-ch-changes were involved

[Verse 6]
So birds with different, foods to seek.
Seem to have developed, different beaks.

[Verse 7]
And over time they’d,
So just the fittest
Of them all survived!

[Verse 8]
On the Isles of Galapagos
I noted the giant tortoise
Had interesting shells
And I rode on them as well

[Verse 9]
Iguanas land and swimming
Meant my new theory was winning
It all led in the direction
Of natural selection.

[Verse 10]
My findings went with outrage
From the ch-ch-ch-ch-church of England
And from me.

[Verse 11]
The idea that we came from ch-ch-chimps
Questioned my own Christianity
But it was hard to disagree!

[Verse 12]
Every species new mutation
Had a perfect explanation
It seems the worlds inception
Must predate common perception

[Verse 13]
And if lack of adaptation
Means a fatal limitation
So each creature’s imperfection
Over time gets a correction

[Verse 14]
Meaning animal collections
Grow unique means of protection
And to fail nature’s inspection
Means immediate rejection
Which all leads to the detec-tion
Of natural selection!
Natural selection!